He's Gone :(

My baby is gone. It was as peaceful as you could ask for, but it's still hard. I know the pain will ease with time, but right now it hurts a lot. I miss him so much. I feel like I let him down even though there was nothing else I could do. I know it was the right choice. I just miss my puppy dog.

The last time I had to put one of my dogs to sleep was about 13 yrs ago. Her name was Missy & it was sudden. I came home to find her very bloated - her entire body. It immediately made me think that she went into heart failure. I had no time to react. I got her to the vet immediately & they said she had to be put to sleep. I freaked out, paid & left her alone with them. I always regretted that I left her in her final moments with strangers. As hard as it was being with Jagger, I am glad I was able to be there for him to the end...to comfort him & for the last thing he was able to see was me. I hope that eased his suffering somewhat.

A friend of mine (Linda) said that this happening on my birthday probably has some kind of meaning. I know it does also. I have put off traveling for the last few years because I didn't want anyone to take care of Jagger other than me. When I've been approached about travel nursing, I always said "Not until my dog is gone", because I couldn't see dragging him all over the country at my expense. His home was here, in the house that he knew, in the bedroom that he knew & I'm glad I kept him here. And it was an excuse to not take a risk, to try something different, something outside of my comfort zone.

I turned 38 today. While my heart grieves for my puppy dog...my companion for the last 13 1/2 years, I also look towards the future. It's an open road. Of course right now I don't feel like going anywhere, but in the near future, I may try out travel nursing. I'll think about that later.

I'm going to an early dinner tonight with my family & friends. As much as I'd rather sit home & cry, I know it is best for me to get out. Jagger wouldn't want me to sit home & cry anyways.

I have so many good memories of Jagger...those are what I'll treasure & most definitely hang onto.

Thanks to everyone for your support. The kind words help a lot.

Tears are falling

I should be happy - tomorrow is my birthday, but I'm very sad. I am putting my dog Jagger to sleep tomorrow. It's time. I thought I had been doing a good job of mentally preparing myself for the last 3 years, but I haven't. I can't stop crying though...thinking about saying good-bye to my baby that I've raised since he was 6 weeks old & now he's nearly 14 yrs old.

I was hoping to prolong it, but the past couple of days he has been acting differently...crying out, not wanting to eat much, sleeping most of the time. I can't allow him to suffer. This is probably the hardest decision I've ever had to make. My heart is breaking. :(