First Time

The other night was the first time I actually felt something emotionally for a patient. That might sound weird....so let me tell you more. 99.999999% of the time I can do my job without forming any emotional attachment whatsoever. Within a week, I have usually forgotten who I've even taken care of. That's not to say I don't connect with my patients. I do....I am very easy to talk to & get along with & I know my patients appreciate that. The blonde hair & blue eyes doesn't hurt either. I don't think I've ever had a patient ever complain about me to anyone. If they have, I never heard about it. Maybe it's because I know customer service & that is exactly what healthcare is turning into. We may not be able to save your life, but as long as the patient feels like we kissed their ass....that seems to be all that matters. Don't even get me started on patient satisfaction.

I got this patient as a new admission....new onset of 2nd degree heart block type 1....wenckebach. I don't see it very often, so I was somewhat worried & wondering how long before she slipped into 3rd degree heart block. She was an older lady, in her late 80's...lived at home alone. A jokester...she was asking for rum & coke as soon as she got to the room. She had a line for everything & while at times that can be annoying, she was cute. Her blood pressure was stable, her heart rate was ranging from 48 to 58. So far she was non-symptomatic, although she did have some dizziness earlier. I spoke with the on call cardio nurse practitioner & faxed her the EKG. She called back & told me to keep a close eye on this patient. Uhhhh, ok. Quit scaring me.

Off to sleep she goes & it isn't long for her heart rate to drop into the 30's. Eeekkk....I don't like it. So I do what I normally wouldn't do...I woke her up. She talked & talked & talked. I listen & listened & listened. I felt for her. She belongs in an assisted living facility, but she owns a home that will not sell. Therefore, she can't afford an assisted living facility. She also has no family around. So she relies on taxies & acquaintances to help her get to the doctors appts, the grocery store, to clean her house. It broke my heart. It made me think about how many of our elderly population is in the same boat. How many are living alone......feeling lonely & having to trust that these mere acquaintances aren't taking advantage of them? How many are being taken advantage of & possibly abused alone with it. She went on to tell me she had 13 brothers & sisters & the celebrations they had when they were younger. Just sad that their final days are spent so alone. I don't know if she had children, she never spoke of them & I figured it wasn't my place to ask. If she does though...I have to wonder how they can just abandon their mother like that. I could never do that. I finally exhausted the poor lady from all her talking & told her to get some sleep. I walked over to the monitor to check her heart rate & rhythm....wouldn't you know it...she converted back to a normal sinus rhythm!!!!!! Heart rate was in the 70's. That doesn't mean she couldn't slip back into the heart block....but it did mean I could breathe a little easier the rest of the shift.

I had a patient two days earlier....nearly 100 yrs old. She was easy to care for. Her son, however, was not. When I say that I would have preferred to jump off a bridge as opposed to listen to him talk....I am not kidding. This guy talked & talked & talked & talked. I was ready to bang my head against the wall as he never shut up...ever. If he wasn't talking to me, he was talking to his mother or the secretary or the patient in the next room or anyone that walked by the room. He never shut up. And he was one of those that thought he knew it all too. Around 9:30 pm he finally said he was gonna go home & get some sleep. Great! Bye!!!!!!!!!! Two hours later he was back & fully recharged to talk more. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Even as my shift was over & I was in the elevator to leave, he was holding open the elevator door to talk to me some more. I nicknamed him chatty Cathy. I also refused to take his mother back as a patient ever again. I just could not take anymore non-stop chatter.

On a bright note, I have stopped stressing about work. I figure all hospital administrations suck, so I may as well get used to it & make the best of it. I did a little research of my own on this HCAPHS/patient satisfaction stuff. And while my hospital tries to tell us they won't get any reimbursement from the govt if we aren't super high scoring on the surveys....it turns out we are talking 1%. They will take a 1% cut if they are a low scoring hospital. I'm sure that is millions, but it's not what I was picturing....that the hospital would be getting no compensation. I think their goals are too high....my hospital wants to score 85% or higher. Ummmm....who usually fills out surveys? Happy people? NO. Mad people? YES. Cause they want someone to know why they were unhappy. Drug addicts? YES. Because we will never be able to meet their pain requirements. Disgruntled family members? YES. Because they seem to think the hospital is a hotel & nothing we do is good enough. Oh well............I'm letting that stress go. Not gonna worry about it anymore.

Things with my guy......a mess. I think I've broken up with him like 5 times in the last 2 months. Funny thing is, he never believes me. He doesn't leave. He also doesn't get mad, which I guess is good for me. I, however, seem annoyed a lot. I'm not so sure it is all his fault. I am giving him credit for being patient & loving me even when it is the last thing I want or deserve.

And when I say I'm not so sure it is his fault...I am convinced I have started perimenopause. Yes, at 42.....I feel like I have hot flashes & moodiness. My period which use to last a max of 3 days is now dragged out over a week. I can cry for absolutely no reason. Like just last night I was watching something on tv & tears came to my eyes. It wasn't even anything sad or touching. In fact, I don't even remember what it was! And the cruel thing about all this......I know when it is happening. Like I know when I am acting irrational, that I truly am irrational. It isn't like I display this behavior & days later I realize I was wrong. I know in the moment that my behavior is not normal. I'm usually so calm & easy going....not much gets to me. The last few months....forget that! And no, it isn't mental illness either. I'm not doing anything inappropriate or detrimental. It's just the moodiness. And the hot flashes. Don't even get me started on the night sweats. I thought this stuff didn't start until at least 50. Sigh.

Ok, enough of this depressing stuff. This week I only work Sunday & Monday. On Wednesday I'm having lunch with my mom, aunt & sister-in-law. After that I'm planning to spend a few days in Orlando relaxing poolside. I hope the weather cooperates. I was going to bring my niece, but now I think I will just take a few days to myself...where I don't have to care for anyone but me. I hope that gets me out of this funk.

One thing that definitely lifted my mood was LUKE BRYAN. He was in concert this past Sunday with Jason Aldean. He is amazing! I felt so much better after the concert.

Have a good week!

A Little Moody

Feels like forever since I last posted. Sorry about that. Time continues to fly by. I mean Christmas Eve was nearly 2 weeks ago....and now we are ending our first week of January. Goes by way too quick.

Last weekend at work...ugh, it was not one of my better times. I felt overwhelmed. Not by nursing, but by all of the non-nursing things we are expected to handle. I had a Baker Act (someone on a 72 hour psych hold) that was to be transferred to a psych facility when medically stable. Well, the MD signed the discharge...even though she wasn't medically stable. So the psych facility refuses to take her but tells me "I" need to get the order to cancel the transfer. Why? Why do "I" need to get that order? I have 9023480932 other things to do. Seems like it should have been something case management could handle, but nope. Repeated phone calls to the nurse practitioner on call who refuses to give that order & insists the order is "psych facility refuses patient." Uhhh, that's not an order. After spending nearly an hour of my time getting this "order", I gave up & deferred it to my charge nurse who had to get the nursing supervisor involved. The order never was written either...sigh.

The next night I still had this Baker Act & then got another Baker Act...this one was a crackhead. I'm not exaggerating. He smokes crack, doesn't take his much needed medication, comes to the hospital complaining of chest pain, weakness & acid reflux. He does this about twice a week...for the last 3 years straight. I'm not kidding. At some point, a hospital should be able to say "sorry buddy, no more...you aren't allowed here for this same condition any more." Only I guess hospitals aren't allowed to do that. So I got the pleasure of dealing with this crackhead coming down off a high, his throat burning as though it were on fire & his attitude that I am there to SERVE him. Uhhhhhhh, check that attitude at the door. I have no sympathy for someone in his condition. He puts himself there. You don't want a bad case of acid reflux? Then don't smoke crack cause it breaks down the lining in your esophagus. And don't tell me you're nauseous as you finish off your 10th bowl of cereal in 4 hours, your four ice creams, your 15 fruit juices and ask me for a pepsi & chicken noodle soup inbetween complaining of nausea. I'm not buying it, nor do I feel bad for you. And I sympathize even less when you refuse to allow me or my staff to do anything...refused vital signs, refused heart monitor, refused lab draw. Time for you to go buddy. This is a hospital, not a hotel. Not to mention he got all up in my charge nurse's face for absolutely no reason. She was brave (maybe stupid), but I wasn't about to challenge someone coming down off a high with an unstable psych history who wasn't taking his meds. Nope, my life is too important to me.

And my third night....my youngest patient was 87. I felt like I was caring for triplets. As soon as I'd get one settled and quiet, the other two would act up. It just reminded me as to how much I miss having techs on the floor. Life would be a better place if we'd get techs back.

Which leads me to question if this is the place I want to stay. I feel like I'm getting burnt out. I'm getting frustrated. Not so much by all the intense hands on patient care (which is tiring & my back aches), but by how micromanaged our hospital now is by administration. We are having a mandatory seminar on how to round on a patient. And if that's not enough, we have to get checked off also. Soooooooooo stupidddddddddddd!!!!! And now they are criticizing us if our patients use the call light more than once a shift.....because that makes them think that we are ignoring our patients if they actually have to use the call light. Isn't the call light there so they can call us when they need us?

And I don't think it reflects badly if they use the call light. I had one patient that wasn't steady on his feet. So I asked that he call me before getting up to use the bathroom. And each time, he sure enough remembered to call me. That is the purpose of the call light. Not for me to pop in every 10 minutes & ask if he has to go to the bathroom (as if I even have the time to do that). Or watch him while he's sleeping...just in case he should wake & need to use the bathroom. It is ridiculous. And the scripting....I should be an actress. It is like they are trying to turn us into Stepford Nurses & make us all generic & interchangeable. Ummmm, we're human!

Sorry, I'm kinda moody today...in case you haven't noticed...lol. I do have some thoughts of going back to the last hospital I was at...but I have hesitation about that because I do remember it sucked there (but at least we had techs) & they are connected to the same hospital I'm currently at. So if things are changing, it will probably trickle down eventually to the small hospital I left. I don't really want to change to another hospital chain as I have 8 years invested where I am. Soooooooooooo....I'm just thinking for now. Maybe I just need a nice tropical vacation. :)

I have started doing the Jillian Michaels workout dvd's for exercise & to release some of this stress. I am sore everywhere. I'll keep going though...on Sunday. Gotta give my body a little time to rest.

Still seeing the guy, but due to my moodiness, I'm kinda irritated with him too. I love him though...so it shall pass.

Hope everyone had a Happy New Year!

Not that great of a week

I worked three in a row this week & it wasn't too bad....except for early Monday morning. I had a pt in her early 90's with gallstones. Her daughter was staying in the room with her. Pesky daughter, but she meant well & I think she saw that her mother & I sorta bonded. Daughter comes out at 2:45 am to say she is leaving & her brother will be here soon for the rest of the shift. Says her mother sounds like she has some liquid in her throat, but otherwise no changes. Around 3 am, I decide to take vital signs. I like to get vital signs out of the way as soon as possible...I am so NOT a procrastinator at work (unlike the rest of my life).

I start with her first. I put the blood pressure cuff on & start it. Then I put the 02 sat on. I see her heart rate is 91. Pretty normal. The blood pressure comes back at 75/35. I think "uhhhh, that can't be right." The 02 sat reads 80%. Hmmm, no, that can't be right either. Heart rate is still saying 90. So I retake the blood pressure & attempt to wake this little lady up. I get nothing. By now I realize this isn't going to have a happy ending. I call my charge...she's on break. So I drag two other nurses in to confirm what I'm witnessing. They agree...she's actively dying. I call the daughter to tell her to turn around. That her mother isn't responding to me. I call the monitor tech to let him know to watch. As I'm on the phone with him....in less than 10 seconds her heart rate went from 90 to 44 to asystole. She was a DNR...thankfully. I would not want to have cracked her ribs trying to save her. The three of us (nurses) are at the end of the bed just watching her. I started the vitals at 3 am. Time of death is 3:06 am.

Just as I turn to walk out of the room, the son walks up. Ugh, this is the part I hate. Breaking devastating news to family members. He's all smiles as he hasn't realized what just happened. I tell him she just passed away. Ugh, heartbreak. He, of course, is in shock. This is the part of nursing that I hate. Well, that & trachs. The daughter arrived...shocked, but at the same time it makes me wonder as the patient was in hospice care before coming to the hospital for a check on the abdominal pain. So it shouldn't have been totally unexpected....still though, losing a parent...no matter what age is devastating I'm sure. They didn't stay long.

I go on to take my other patients vital signs because this is nursing & you don't get breaks....even when your patient dies. You are expected to just keep going. Not more than 10 minutes later do I have the charge handing me a paper on a new admission. Seriously??? She replies "you're down to 2 patients." Now this I totally disagree on. It isn't like my 3rd patient just disappears because she died. I still have to do charting on her. I still have to get her ready for the morgue. Can I at least get this stuff done before you bring me someone new? So annoying sometimes. Luckily, my new admission was a wonderful woman who was not in any distress & just wanted to go to sleep.

My other patients this week were pretty good. One had this forceful cough that scared the heck out of me. I thought he'd be the one coding as he looked like he was about to die every time he had a coughing fit. I got some cough medicine ordered & gave it to him. It was no help. Did I mention he was on a 50% venti mask at the time & he would rip it off every time he started to cough. And his 02 sat would drop to 75%. Ugh. I called the doctor after a few hours of this coughing cycle & she tells me "there is no miracle cure for coughs." Really????? There is nothing out there that can help someone stop coughing? Fine, whatever. I bring respiratory in on this & we decide that since he rips the venti mask off anyways, let's switch him to a high flow nasal canula at 10 liters. Wouldn't you know it...that solved the coughing problem. It isn't to say he stopped coughing completely, but I can definitely say it was the venti mask irritating his throat into these coughing spells. I'd never seen that happen before.

I'm off until Tuesday now & it has been a rough week outside of work. The "guy".....well, it's not going so well. Not going to go into details, but I don't see it lasting. I'm beginning to think there is no Mr. Right out there for me. Oh well. Things could be worse.

And I learned this week that someone I went to high school with was strangled to death in her home. She is a recently divorced mother of 5. They have yet to name the ex-husband a suspect....but I would bet everything I have that he did it. It's not cause she had a restraining order on him that makes me think that. Or the fact that she had a security camera installed in her house because she felt he was coming in when she wasn't there. It's not the fact that in October, she got a judgment against him....he owes something like $65,000 to her. It's not the fact that he has been telling the police she has been using online dating web sites to meet men & how "dangerous" it is to meet online people. You know what seals it for me...the ex states he got a text message from her on the day she was killed asking him to pick up the kids from school. The police state they aren't sure if she texted that or the killer did. Now come on!!! What random person who is in the midst of killing someone is going to stop, text the ex to get the kids & continue to kill? Or why would she text that? She wasn't even in communication with him. I have no doubt he is the one that killed her & texted that after the fact as he picked up all 5 kids and kept them at his house while her body lay in her house for over 48 hours before being found. Disgusting. I can only hope they have enough evidence to prosecute him.

I am trying so hard to get into the Christmas spirit. Seems like December is flying by. Oh well, I am ready for a new year. Hoping 2012 isn't as crazy as 2011 has been.

Wow, feels like ages

Wow, feels like ages since I posted, but it's only been what...3 or 4 days? There isn't much to post regarding work....except for the fact that I hate those surveys the government requires when someone goes home. Because our administration gets the results & then tries to make us believe we are the worst hospital in the world...which I know is not true. They are so confusing too. One minute they are telling us that we are in the top 15 percentile of all hospitals in the nation and the next minute we are in the lowest 1 percentile. How is that possible? I've given up trying to figure out their strategies to motivate us & I will continue to do what I do....just be me & treat my patients as though they were a close family member. That's all I can do....really. I refuse to get caught up in that stress trap that keeps popping up.

Thanksgiving was wonderful. I can't believe how quickly it goes by. The only thing I bought this weekend was a new dryer...cause mine stopped working on Saturday. So that was my present to myself...lovely. It's amazing though...how an appliance can somehow make you a little happier. Maybe it's the newness of it or just out with the old. I want to wash things just so I can see how fast this thing can dry them. Silly, I know. Don't try to understand me.

I ventured out today & saw Breaking Dawn. Sigh. I'm sorry....but I felt like it was so lame. I guess my imagination is better than what they are producing in the movies. I try to like Edward, I really do....but it is impossible. He is too wussy for me. Anyways...I have totally forgotten what was written in the 4th novel & plan to reread it sometime between now & next November....when the final Twilight movie is released. Because I totally forgot what happens next & want to know.

I watched in horror as my Florida Gators lost yet another game...this time to FSU....ugh. Can't get worse than that in football.

My back is about 90% better. I am not even on Advil anymore & it feels pretty darn good. The ears are better too. I finally was able to unblock the left side. Every now & then it clogs back up, but it doesn't stay that way. The new thing now though is if I put my head back or when I lay down...everything starts spinning. Personally I enjoy it. It is sort of like being on a rollercoaster or a ride that makes you dizzy. I'm not too concerned about it as it only lasts maybe 10 seconds. I figure it has something to do with my ears & that as soon as that problem resolves, hopefully the dizziness will too.

That's been my exciting weekend. I go back to work Tuesday night. Maybe I'll have a story or two to tell. :)

Happy Thanksgiving!

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

I have much to be thankful for...but these few things I am not...

*this never-ending cold, I have had it for 3 months now & just when I think nasal congestion is the worst thing ever......it drains from my nose into my middle ear. Now I am convinced that is the worst thing ever. My hearing is all muffled & I can feel the fluid moving. I have tried everything...antibiotics, all the allergy meds, Advil, Flonase, neti pot, etc. My latest try is Mucinex D along with the neti pot, Flonase & Afrin. Only this time with the Flonase & Afrin, I have to put my head down & tilt the bottles in hopes that they reach the Eustachian tubes. Because I am convinced that if I can open those up, all the fluid will come out. And it worked on my right ear, my left is being a bit stubborn. I'm not giving up hope yet.

*my very sore back, I was taking a shower this past Saturday morning & silly me, I leaned down a little to dry off my shins/calves & I instantly felt pain. I know this pain & in my head I was saying nooooooooo, noooooooo, nooooooo! This resulted in me having to call in sick for 2 days from work. I could barely move, even with muscle relaxers. I am feeling better today, but it is still sore. Guess the universe is trying to convince me that there are worse things than ear congestion.

*my tooth, or should I say what is left of my tooth. I was eating some of that laffy taffy candy stuff & lucky me...it pulled out part of my tooth. And my dental insurance doesn't kick in until Jan 1. And it is a holiday weekend. Sigh. Yet the universe trying to show me there are worse things than ear congestion & a sore back. Luckily, I have no pain associated with this tooth loss. At least not yet. I think I may have had a root canal with this tooth, but I honestly can't remember. I sure hope so...cause I don't want tooth pain. It is a long way until Monday.

Ok, universe...you can stop trying to show me there are worse things than what I am currently experiencing. I'm convinced.

Quick update on the guy....well, 2 weeks ago I thought everything was ending. Again, it is my own issues that led me to this conclusion. I see it so clearly. Luckily, I don't scare him off when I run in the other direction. He was needing reassurance & I thought he was wanting out. We tried to just be friends.....that lasted approx. one day. So moving forward, everything is good & back to normal. It's tough though....not living near one another. In a way it is good too, cause we kinda have to take things slower. It can be frustrating too though. Oh well, time to be thankful & for that I am. Just like I am amused he is so crazy about me. I mean it is neat to see how just me being me can make someone else happy. He wrote this to me the other day...

In everyone's life, at some time, our inner fire goes out. It is then burst into flame by an

encounter with another human being. We should all be thankful for those people who rekindle

the inner spirit.

Sweet, isn't it? Ok, enough of that.

Work is still a pain. They are constantly thinking up ways to torture us. At least it seems that way. We have a new manager...again. I have come to learn that nurse managers don't last very long. I have no desire to ever be one or to even be a charge nurse. I just want to take care of my patients & go home. That's all.

Yay for Tony Stewart........2011 Nascar Champion. Yessssssss!

Happy Thanksgiving everyone! Hope you have a safe & wonderful holiday.

I Survived!

I worked 4 night shifts in a row & have survived to tell you about it! I cannot remember the last time I worked that many hours in 4 days. Truthfully, it wasn't bad. I know I was spared from having any real disasters. Either that or I'm getting good at fixing a disaster before it happens. Who knows?

I had a woman that came in with a fever & 2 weeks later she lays in a bed without any ability to really move or speak. Somewhere along the line she had had a stroke. Next up on the menu was to insert a feeding tube. Sad.

I had a male that up until a month ago was a pretty heavy drinker. Then one day he just stopped & according to his wife...says he began acting strange. Hmmm, perhaps that is why she put up with him drinking...she didn't like his normal behavior. He was ok for me....thoroughly confused. Who is the President........his reply....Woodrow Wilson. Say what? I have never had anyone respond with that answer ever. I had been warned this patient could get combative & that he was one strong dude, so watch out. The first night I had him...piece of cake. Second night...he was a bit more alert which meant he then had a desire to try to stand up. Why do they do this? Our computers were down, so I grabbed my ipad & sat in a recliner next to his bed, reminding him to stay in bed. I was lucky enough to be able to do this for 4 hours. My other patients were sleeping...as good patients should be.

After reminding him to stay in bed for the 3940283043 time & him starting to get restless...I decide it is time for Ativan. Once he felt me flush his IV, the drama started. He latched onto my arm as though I was attempting to cut his other arm off. I hadn't even had the chance to hook up the Ativan, much less push it. I could have taken the easy route & called someone in to help...but nah, I knew I could handle this. So being the talented nurse I am, with one hand I hold his free hand that is trying to attack me & with my other hand, I attach the syringe & push away....all while distracting him with my congested voice (yes, I still have this damn cold 10 weeks later). It worked, within minutes he was relaxing. I was now free to roam around the cabin....just kiddingggggggg.

My third patient was a new admission & very easy to care for. The next night I got the same patients back plus one. Easy night. Monday night...not so much. I was told I was getting a direct admit at shift change. Ugh, hate direct admits any time of the shift, but especially at shift change. Obviously the doctor feels they are so sick they should bypass the ED & go right to the floor, but that means I know really nothing about them as they have had no workup done & the doctor's order reads "Call me when pt arrives to floor." Which means time calling him, him calling back, him placing orders, me having to write orders, me having to clarify with pharmacy the meds, me having to make sure the pt is comfortable, meds are corrects, etc. IT IS TIME CONSUMING & the beginning of the shift is the worst time as I have no extra time.

I didn't stress about it & I am very lucky my patient was not in any distress. She did have CHF & Pneumonia & a drunk daughter outside drinking in the parking lot (lovely).....but the patient was stable & wasn't demanding. My other patients were great too....well, the one basically in a coma & the other one knocked out with Ativan......plus one more that only wanted to read his bible. I realize I really lucked out.

We had a town hall meeting where our CEO basically told us we are the best staff ever & we are #1 against all other Adventist based hospitals as far as employee engagement. I don't know how he does it...because the entire nursing staff is highly stressed & short-staffed, but a few words from the CEO & suddenly we feel wonderful. Brainwashing I tell ya!

I'm off now until Monday night. I'm spending a couple of days with my man. Ahhhh....yep, I haven't run in the other direction yet. Friday I have a nursing skills fair thing. Saturday is a class reunion & Sunday will be my day to do nothingggggggggggg.

Hope everyone is doing well. Have a good week!

It's funny

It's funny how things aren't always as wonderful as you pictured they would be. Like having 10 days off. Don't get me wrong...I loveeeeeeeeeee not being at work. Especially this week as I heard AHCA is in the house (hospital) doing inspections. Not that they are there at night, but the day staff is usually frantically stressed out & I like not having to deal with that. I don't go back to work until Friday night........and Saturday night......and Sunday night....and Monday night. What have I gotten myself into? 4 shifts in a row at that place is like working 4 months straight. Sigh. Let's not think about that until Friday.

Where was I? Oh yeah....when I scheduled myself to have 10 days off.....I pictured myself....relaxing, spending time with friends & family, getting my house organized, spending a couple days at the beach, feeling rested & relaxed before I had to return to the crazy place I call work. My first day off was last Tuesday. I didn't really accomplish anything between Tuesday & Friday....except sleep. I slept so well....ahhhh. And I caught up on my tv shows. I did spend the weekend with my brother, niece & nephew. That was fun...relaxing...nice. By Sunday afternoon, I couldn't wait to have my house to myself again. My fav football player, Tim Tebow, was starting for the Denver Broncos. I couldn't watch. I'm really not that interested in pro football. I had the tv on & I could hear it, but I wasn't watching it. I knew they were losing. I checked out facebook & saw all the people dissing Tebow. That he's overhyped. That he has no talent as a quarterback.

It was at this point that I barked back at the haters & decided to watch the last part of the game. I knew they were losing 15-0 & virtually had no shot at winning....but something drew me in to watch. And guess what...not only did they tie it up...Tebow went on to win the game. A M A Z I N G ! ! ! Of course I immediately went back on facebook & posted "Uhhh, you were saying????..."

It isn't that he is a talented athlete. He works hard....harder than probably any other athlete out there. But I think what works for him is his ability to motivate. Heck, he had the Miami fans cheering AGAINST Miami....lol. I don't think his calling is football, but if that's how he can reach people right now...then that is his purpose for now. He's definitely a leader. Remember the name!

Ok, so that was all good & I finally got the one thing I had been craving for the last 2 weeks or so = Pumpkin Pie Pop Tarts. Mmmmm...they are yummy. Almost as good as the Pumpkin Pie Blizzard at Dairy Queen.

I am getting together with my friends tomorrow night. And more than likely I'll go away somewhere on Wed & Thurs. So most of my to-do list is done. Well, except the organizing part. I'm good at procrastinating that.

But right now I sit here hating the dating life. Not that things are going bad. They are still really good....like better than I thought possible good, but not too good to be true good, if that makes sense. What I hate is all the old emotions it brings up from past relationships....disappointment, lack of trust, mind games, unsure of myself. He doesn't bring that out in me...he's been the opposite of all that. So I know it's my issues & I don't know if they are being brought to the surface because my "walls" are coming down or if I'm looking to keep them in place. I'm actually looking forward to going back to work to get my mind on something else...because I'm finding too much time for myself = too much time to think about things I don't need to be thinking about. And it doesn't help that PMS showed up on Friday & seems to still be here. Sigh. Breathe Jen Breathe. I'll be ok. Venting is over.

Highlight of last week........seeing Sugarland in concert!!!!!!! They are so awesome. Highlight after seeing Sugarland in concert.....finding out Luke Bryan is coming to Orlando on Jan 22. Yay!!!!!!!!! He's opening for Jason Aldean....not really a fan of him, but I'll be going to see Luke. And I also found out Lady Antebellum will be in concert in May. Not sure if I'll go see them....it's in Jacksonville, so I'll need to have some extra money for a hotel. We'll see how much I work the next few months & decide from there.

Work was great last week. I had 3 really good patients, two nights in a row. However, other patients on the unit would not stop screaming. It felt like a psych ward or possibly the labor & delivery room. Nothing was wrong with them. They were just screamers. You get people like that sometimes. I seriously don't know how employees at nursing homes do it. Maybe they are hard of hearing? I have a nursing skills fair the beginning of Nov & I think we have a big meeting next week to review our employee satisfaction scores. So exciting...NOT. We have lost 2 more night nurses & what does our manager do...hire new grads. Which means they won't be ready to be on their own for 12 weeks. Great! Oh well, that should mean I can work more...which is what I need to do.....for my emotional needs & my bank account needs. :)

p.s. Operation Workout is on hold....I know, I know...it will do me good emotionally. I'm trying to get motivated. Where is Tim Tebow when I need him???