Wednesday, March 7, 2007

He's Gone :(

My baby is gone. It was as peaceful as you could ask for, but it's still hard. I know the pain will ease with time, but right now it hurts a lot. I miss him so much. I feel like I let him down even though there was nothing else I could do. I know it was the right choice. I just miss my puppy dog.

The last time I had to put one of my dogs to sleep was about 13 yrs ago. Her name was Missy & it was sudden. I came home to find her very bloated - her entire body. It immediately made me think that she went into heart failure. I had no time to react. I got her to the vet immediately & they said she had to be put to sleep. I freaked out, paid & left her alone with them. I always regretted that I left her in her final moments with strangers. As hard as it was being with Jagger, I am glad I was able to be there for him to the end...to comfort him & for the last thing he was able to see was me. I hope that eased his suffering somewhat.

A friend of mine (Linda) said that this happening on my birthday probably has some kind of meaning. I know it does also. I have put off traveling for the last few years because I didn't want anyone to take care of Jagger other than me. When I've been approached about travel nursing, I always said "Not until my dog is gone", because I couldn't see dragging him all over the country at my expense. His home was here, in the house that he knew, in the bedroom that he knew & I'm glad I kept him here. And it was an excuse to not take a risk, to try something different, something outside of my comfort zone.

I turned 38 today. While my heart grieves for my puppy dog...my companion for the last 13 1/2 years, I also look towards the future. It's an open road. Of course right now I don't feel like going anywhere, but in the near future, I may try out travel nursing. I'll think about that later.

I'm going to an early dinner tonight with my family & friends. As much as I'd rather sit home & cry, I know it is best for me to get out. Jagger wouldn't want me to sit home & cry anyways.

I have so many good memories of Jagger...those are what I'll treasure & most definitely hang onto.

Thanks to everyone for your support. The kind words help a lot.

5 comments:

koqzo said...

In your line of work, you know that this is the end that everyone comes to eventually.  Remember the best friend you were lucky enough to have for all those years.  It's okay to be sad and lonely - that's part of grief.  You know you gave him the best life he could have!  Take care!

mawmellow said...

I'm so sorry to read about your baby.  I'm such a dog lover that it traumatizes me for ages when I have to go thru something like this.  I'm glad you were with him.  Please take care of you.....he'd want that.

tendernoggle said...

I am so sorry hon....so sorry....I know our heart is broken, but it was the only thing that you could do...He knew that you loved him with all your heart...
love ya,
carlene
p.s.
Happy Birthday....I hope tomorrow is better.

jshav123 said...

I'm so sorry Jen.  I know how difficult it is to lose such a special part of your family.  My heart goes out to you.  {{{{Hugs}}}}  
~Anita

shesmilznfl said...

Sorry about your loss, sending prayers for your feeling better real soon.