It's been a rough 24 hours...as expected. My birthday dinner was nice. I went to Carrabba's with family & friends. I had 3 margaritas but it wasn't enough to dull the pain. When I got home, I started crying again. I talked to a few of my friends, explained what happened...the more I talk about it, the better I think I feel, but then the sadness starts all over again.
I called my mom around 10 pm because I missed Jagger & couldn't stop crying. It's so weird going in my room & not having him laying on the bed waiting for me to get home. He was always there, always waiting, always happy when I got home. I didn't sleep well, which I figured I wouldn't. I'm so used to petting him when I watch tv or playing with him. Waking up to him waking up. It's so empty right now.
I start back to work tomorrow. I have a stroke class from 8 to 5. I think it will do me good to be focused on something else. I am scheduled for Saturday & Sunday night and am planning on working the rest of the week...partly because I've taken it easy the last weeks & need to earn some money & partly just to be out of the house & distracted from my loss. That is one thing I am grateful about though...I've barely worked in the last 3 weeks & got to spend a lot of time with Jagger in his final days. I didn't know these would be his final weeks, but I am glad I was home a lot with him.
I'm debating about whether to take my niece & nephew to Nickelodeon Hotel. It's something they've wanted to do for awhile, but I always put it off because I didn't want to leave Jagger in anyone else's care. The kids are on spring break in about a week, so maybe I will go ahead & make the reservation. As much as being around hundreds of screaming kids, it would probably do me good & I've already agreed to watch my niece & nephew for a few days of their spring break anyways. Nick Hotel is really cool...so geared towards kids & the pools are amazing. The rates are expensive...anywhere from $300 a night up to about $800 a night. I found a pretty good deal where I can get it for less than $200 a night...so I think all signs are pointing to go there sooner rather than later.
I guess I never realized just how dependent I was on my puppy dog. I guess that's like most things in life...don't realize how much they mean until they are gone. I know I gave him a good life & he was always there for me..day in, day out. I know I'll always miss him.
Thanks everyone for all your kind words, thoughts & prayers. It helps so much.