Rough 24 hours

It's been a rough 24 hours...as expected.  My birthday dinner was nice.  I went to Carrabba's with family & friends.  I had 3 margaritas but it wasn't enough to dull the pain.  When I got home, I started crying again.  I talked to a few of my friends, explained what happened...the more I talk about it, the better I think I feel, but then the sadness starts all over again. 

I called my mom around 10 pm because I missed Jagger & couldn't stop crying.  It's so weird going in my room & not having him laying on the bed waiting for me to get home.  He was always there, always waiting, always happy when I got home.  I didn't sleep well, which I figured I wouldn't.  I'm so used to petting him when I watch tv or playing with him.  Waking up to him waking up.  It's so empty right now. 

I start back to work tomorrow.  I have a stroke class from 8 to 5.  I think it will do me good to be focused on something else.  I am scheduled for Saturday & Sunday night and am planning on working the rest of the week...partly because I've taken it easy the last weeks & need to earn some money & partly just to be out of the house & distracted from my loss.  That is one thing I am grateful about though...I've barely worked in the last 3 weeks & got to spend a lot of time with Jagger in his final days.  I didn't know these would be his final weeks, but I am glad I was home a lot with him. 

I'm debating about whether to take my niece & nephew to Nickelodeon Hotel.  It's something they've wanted to do for awhile, but I always put it off because I didn't want to leave Jagger in anyone else's care.  The kids are on spring break in about a week, so maybe I will go ahead & make the reservation.  As much as being around hundreds of screaming kids, it would probably do me good & I've already agreed to watch my niece & nephew for a few days of their spring break anyways. Nick Hotel is really cool...so geared towards kids & the pools are amazing.  The rates are expensive...anywhere from $300 a night up to about $800 a night.  I found a pretty good deal where I can get it for less than $200 a night...so I think all signs are pointing to go there sooner rather than later.

I guess I never realized just how dependent I was on my puppy dog.  I guess that's like most things in life...don't realize how much they mean until they are gone.  I know I gave him a good life & he was always there for me..day in, day out.  I know I'll always miss him.

Thanks everyone for all your kind words, thoughts & prayers.  It helps so much.